Friday, 28 February 2014

What to do if your preschooler shoves something up his nose

It was 10 p.m. on a weeknight when my son Simun called me into his room to tell me about the tiny ball he’d stuck up his nose. In fact, he’d put the yellow piece of plastic (the ammunition from a toy gun I’d long since confiscated) up his left nostril and fished it out several times already. But now, not only was it stuck, I couldn’t see or feel it either.

When several attempts to get it out myself proved fruitless, we settled in for a long night at the ER where even the physician couldn’t find it. A visit with an otolaryngologist days later assured us the offender was nowhere in Simun’s sinus cavity. He’d likely swallowed it and had passed it into the sewer system.

Apparently my son’s fondness for shoving foreign objects up his nostrils is quite common, especially among toddlers and preschoolers who are enamoured with their newly discovered bodies. My neighbour tells me her toddler put a piece of Indian corn up his nose, requiring an ER doctor to haul it out with forceps.

Toronto’s SickKids Hospital has an entire display of zany things physicians have extracted from the ears, throats and noses of patients – including safety pins, buttons, nails, rotting peanuts and even a player piece from a Monopoly game.

Dr. Neil Chadha, an otolaryngologist at B.C. Children’s Hospital in Vancouver, says he often treats children who have put everything from crumpled pieces of paper and nuts to Lego pieces in their ears and noses. Some may not fess up about it, he says, which can lead to infection. “A food particle will become infected more quickly and create an odour, but even a plastic bead will create nasal discharge,” he says, adding that choking is another hazard, although extremely rare. He says potential signs of infection to watch for are discharge out of just one nostril, sudden nosebleeds and bad breath. For the ear, there could be redness and swelling, pain, discharge or even bleeding.

In any case, if nose or ear exploration is suspected, Dr. Chada advises getting your child to a family physician or the ER within 24 hours or sooner if the article is a small battery or other chemical-containing object that could burn the nasal passages. “We have the proper lighting and equipment on hand to do the job,” he says. “Otherwise, trying to get it out yourself without the right light could get the child upset and lodge the object up even further.”
Nothing like a “Mother’s Kiss”

    “Mother’s Kiss” is a proven technique that dates back more than 45 years and is considered a safe and often effective way to push a foreign object from a child’s nasal cavity. Doctors say if they can convince a parent to do it, they often use this method in emergency departments because children don’t find it as scary or uncomfortable as using hooks or forceps.
    With a doctor’s supervision, place your mouth over the child’s mouth, close the unaffected nostril with one finger and blow. The force of your breath will cause the child to instinctively push air through the affected nostril and hopefully force the object out.
    “I’ve seen this work and it’s certainly less traumatic than having an instrument up the child’s nose, but it shouldn’t be done without a physician supervising,“ says Dr. Neil Chadha of B.C. Children’s Hospital.




Courtesy: By Rosalind Stefanac

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Thursday, 27 February 2014

How to sleep well: The mozzzzt important parenting tip

Like most parents, I do a lot of reading about how to be a better parent. I do it, in part, to validate how awesome I’m doing (“Yep, I do that – and that, and that”) and rarely a day goes by that I don’t think, “Oooh, I gotta try that.”

About 18 months ago, I read an article that really struck a chord. There’s this high school in Toronto that was experimenting with later start times for the kids. The reasoning went that serotonin levels in the brain were more active later in the day, so the students were able to pay attention more.

If you read anything about stress these days, they’ll tell you that we grown ups should be getting more sleep. More sleep – and better sleep – helps us live longer and live healthier. When I read the article on the high school students, I slapped my forehead in realization. Like any habit, sleep finds its roots in childhood, which means that if you want to sleep well as an adult, you have to build better sleep habits in your children.

Sleep often gets shortchanged in the minds of most parents. We say we want our kids to get to bed early, but there’s always a little more reading time, homework time or errands that get in the way. We have a toddler and two early schoolers to get to bed, in addition to the others, who are old enough to put themselves to bed. And while our intentions are always good intentions, we cut corners 3-4 nights a week.

It shouldn’t surprise us that kids are crazy groggy for the 6:45 school alarm.

And so, I’ve committed to trying a few things to get everyone to bed a little earlier or sleep a little smarter. I set a deadline for myself to get them into bed. But I’ve tried three other things that are helping...

For one, I’ve created a “buffer” of time for the kids. I send them up to bed and give them a 20-minute wind down time. They can read or catch the last bits of a show. It physically puts them in a warm, comfy space that says “time to call it a night.” My hope is that this is creating a long-term habit that teaches them how to get to sleep.

The second thing is a little trickier and I’m thinking of employing some technology to help out. When I amble into our six-year-old’s bedroom for the 6:45 wake up call, I look at him. I can tell if he’s in a deep sleep or a light sleep. Light sleep and I wake him up. Deep sleep and I leave him for a bit. Our bodies move through a series of cycles when we sleep, and you wake up far more refreshed when you’re in the lighter REM part of the cycle. Our teen has been successfully using an app on her phone to monitor what stage she’s in and it wakes her up at the right time. In the next few weeks, I think I’ll get all the kids to do the same with their iDevices.

Finally, and most importantly, I tell everyone to put prioritize sleep. To me, sleep is more important than anything else in our home. We invest in good beds, we encourage good sleep patterns (hot milk is very helpful), we keep the kids active in extracurricular activities. I even let the kids skip part of a morning of school every few weeks just to get a few extra zzzs. The shorter time they do spend in class is better time spent in class.

I’m curious to know what you think – what strategies do you use to teach your kids good sleep habits? What’s working? What’s not? Lemmee know. In the meantime, I think I’ve earned myself a nap.
  


Courtesy: By Jason Thomson

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Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Finding Your Passion in Music

Babies and Toddlers – The most important thing at this age is to engage with your child during classes, regardless of which program you sign up for. Make sure you regularly sing the tunes and keep the beat either in class or elsewhere. Involve your child with those basic elements during the early ages and watch their love for music grow.
Ages 3-5 - While you may want your child to begin formal training with music instruments, few instruments can accommodate young students. The most common instruments to begin at this age may be either the piano or violin. Finding a teaching studio that has experience with young children is crucial to your child’s success with the instrument. Most importantly, ask yourself if you can be dedicated to lessons – monitor practice, shuffling to and from lessons (if the instructor does not travel), and perhaps even learning the basics to help your child!
Ages 6-9 - More opportunities arise with guitar, other string or band instruments as your child gets older. It is also a good time to take up a second instrument if your child is already working on one. Your child’s school can provide group performing opportunities that private lessons may not always be able to support. This can spark a new interest with music that your child may not have been aware of. With so many exciting lessons to choose from, it is possible to want to try more that just one instrument. Luckily, once you learn the basics of music (note reading and rhythms), that is transferable to all instruments. Before adding on or discontinuing an instrument, the important thing to keep in mind is that practicing will always be the key to playing well. The simple act of switching instruments will not necessarily spark new interest if your child does not understand that practicing is part of the game. At the end of the day, it isn’t about becoming a world class musician or adding an additional talent – it is about how music can play such a positive role in your child’s life now and into adulthood!



Courtesy: Natalia Huang Piano Studio.

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Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Music Lessons Teaches Life Skills!

So you want your child to learn to play an instrument. Besides actually learning to play an instrument, did you know that your child will also pick up life skills without knowing? Here are some of them:
1. Teaches your child to be responsible – While your child looks over the weekly assignments, prepares to have all books at the lesson, and attends lesson, he/she is also learning this is a responsibility. With that said, it would be advised that you are not in charge to do the above except to guide and monitor.
2. Teaches your child to succeed with self-discipline – Learning to play an instrument requires daily practicing. If you learn to do something on your own daily, this is in training for self-discipline. The wonderful thing with music is – you cannot procrastinate! While you can cram  for an exam, it isn’t possible to cram your playing. Not only do you need to be mentally prepared, but your muscles (hands or other parts of the body) will also need to be prepared to play well at your lesson!
3. Learn to effectively time manage - Like most things in life, planning is important. If your child is given music to prepare for the next lesson, he/she will need to figure out how to get that done before the next lesson. This can mean that they decide to practice a page a day, or perhaps two lines a day. Whatever the case may be, your child needs to see how much time is allotted for this activity and work towards the goal (finish preparing the assigned music). This skill will transfer to school, work, and maybe even when they have children of their own!
4. Builds confidence and self-esteem - When you can do something well, aren’t you proud of yourself? When your child performs in front of family and friends, he/she will be extremely proud of such accomplishment. By achieving his/hers musical goals and showing off, your child is building up confidence and high self-esteem which is essential to one’s success in life.
5. Fosters creativity - Music is such a wonderful way to be creative. Playing a piece of music that sounds like spring, or maybe like thunderstorms are coming allows your mind to be imaginative. Even if the music sounds different to you than to others, there is no right or wrong! This reminds your child that being creative is fun and everyone has the right to express an opinion.



Courtesy: Dark Dwarf

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Monday, 24 February 2014

Parenting Skills to Make Your Child Successful





When you ask a kid what they want to be, they immediately know! Whether they want to be a doctor, lawyer, actor — kids know even from the age of 5 and no one can stop them from achieving their goals! Most of what they learn to become successful is through education but the rest it simply parenting. Parents should never underestimate the value of what they teach their kids which can make them successful in life. Here are steps/techniques that will guide your kids along the way!

Honesty.

Honesty is the best policy! How many times have you heard the saying: “when you lie, you’re not hurtling others but yourself.” Take his statement for what it is. Being dishonest can ruin relationships whether it is business or personal.

Adapting Listening Skills.

There’s a difference between hearing and listening. It’s important for kids to listen to information related to them in order to grasp an understanding. You’ll know when your children are listening when they ask questions or make comments. Listening helps kids engage in conversations more which can help them become less shy in meeting friends.

Humble & Humility.

The best way to our teach children is by example. Behind superstars, parents are role models to kids. They admire and follow our lead. An arrogant person can never teach humility. Being a parent means we have authority – not arrogance. It’s important as parents that we remain patient and respectful to our kids. There are ways to engage in a conversation or discipline your child without yelling. When we educate quietly—we model humility. If you think that the only way they will listen is if you yell, then you are not disciplining properly. This can have an effect on their social skills and how they interact with other children in the future.

Understanding The Value of a Dollar.

I believe in allowance and working to get what you want. Kids will learn why mommy and daddy at times are tired when they get home from work. Some parents look at this as a bribe — but it is merely placing responsibility on the child.

Turning a Business Into a Hobby.

Nowadays, kids don’t have to learn how to start a business in college. It starts way before then. Teach them now in a fun but educational way. Do they like to bake? Can they make a delicious lemonade? Talk to your kids about turning something cool into something spectacular! Kids love money because they can buy whatever they want. By showing them how to make a profit will influence them in creating a business. Kidpreneurs ( kid + entrepeneurs) do exist. Sometimes it’s up to parents to give them a little motivation to their creation!

These skills will help guide our children socially, academically and mentally as they grow into  successful adults!


Courtesy: Lauren Jimeson

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Sunday, 23 February 2014

5 Tips for Getting Your Child Excited for a Class



Enrolling your child in their very first class can hold a handful of emotions for both you and your child. There are so many exciting things about taking a class; the new skills they are going to learn, the new friends they are going to make, and the independence they are going to gain from doing it all on their own. But with the  excitement can also come some nerves. If it is their first class, they don’t know what to expect and it can get them a little bit uneasy. It’s important to let the know that these feelings that they are having are completely normal and it is okay for them to have them. There are several things that you can do as their parent to help ease some of their anxieties about their first class.

1. Talk About It-When thinking about enrolling your child in a class, you want to be open about it with your child. Some kids get really nervous when they know that they are going to meet new people and in a new environment. It’s important to keep an open conversation going about the class that they are going to take and what it’s going to be like for them. The most important thing is to let them know what a great experience they are going to have and the wonderful memories they are going to make.

2. Get Them Involved- Get your child to help you find what class is best for them. When you are discussing the class with them, ask them about their interests and what kind of extracurricular activities they want to get involved in. The more involved they are in the process of getting them registered for the class, the more excited they will be on the first day!

3. Share Your Story-If you have a child that is nervous about taking a class, it’s always great to share your story with them. Did you do extracurricular activities when you were a kid? What did you enjoy about them? What did you gain from them. Share all of this with your child. This will help them to become more confident when they walk into the class for the first time.

4. Take a Practice Run-Show your child where the class will take place. It’s also a great idea for a rainy day to set up a “pretend class” in your home and let them run through what it is going to be like. They will have fun getting used to everything while you will be creating a wonderful bonding experience.

5. Let Them Share Their Story- When they get home from that first day of class, sit down and let them tell you everything about it. Let them tell you what they loved about it, the new friends that they made, and they might even share with you some of the things they might still be nervous about. If you let them tell you all about their experience, it will help get them excited about their next class!


Courtesy: Lauren Jimeson
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Saturday, 22 February 2014

5 Reasons to Enroll Your Child in a Class

I remember the first time that I enrolled my daughter in a mommy and me class. It was shortly after we moved to the city from Florida and I thought that it was a great idea for both of us to get involved. She was nearly nine months old and other than her daycare that she attended in Florida, she had never been exposed to a formal class setting with other babies her age. Now, three years later, I continue to see the benefits of enrolling her in that class. It was the gateway to so many wonderful opportunities for her to learn and grow. There are several reasons to enroll your child in a class, no matter what the age. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Social Interaction-With a class full of other children the same age, it’s a great time for your child to interact with others. They will learn how to get along with others, share, and even develop amazing friendships. My daughter met a little boy at her first class at age nine months and they have continued their friendship over three years.

2. Independence-Enrolling your child in a class is a great way to help them gain some independence. Even if you are interested in taking a mommy and me class, there are still moments when you have the opportunity to sit back and watch them interact with others. It really helps when they get older and are in drop-off classes. It helps them look forward to those classes rather than have separation anxiety.

3. You Meet Other Moms With Children The Same Age-These classes are a great way for you to meet other moms. Some of my best friends are the moms that I met while taking my daughter to a class. The best part is that they have kids that are the same age as her and enjoy playing together. This makes for great playdates that can also give you some one-on-one adult time with a friend.

4. Bonding Experience-One of my favorite things about taking my daughter to a class was getting to spend that time with her uninterrupted. It was an hour for us to focus on one another and focus on my daughter having fun. As she got older, we would spend our time talking about the class later in the day and her mentioning her favorite parts. It became something that we shared and loved to talk about. We could bond both inside and outside the classroom.

5. Express Creativity-Whether you enroll your child in art, music, or soccer, they are able to express their creativity. This will help them outside of the classroom and as they get older.


Courtesy: Lauren Jimeson

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Why some kids can't spell and why spelling tests won't help

A couple of years ago, early one morning, I received an SMS advising “resadents to stay indoors because of a nearby insadent”. I was shocked by the spelling, as much as the message. Surely, I thought, if it was a real message then the spelling would be correct.
Spelling matters. In a text message from a friend teeing up a night out “c u at 8” is fine - but in an emergency warning text from a government agency, I expect the spelling to be standard. But why is it that some people struggle with standard spelling?
Spelling remains the most relentlessly tested of all the literacy skills, but it is the least taught.
Sending a list of words home on Monday to be tested on Friday is not teaching. Nor is getting children to write their spelling words out 10 times, even if they have to do it in rainbow colours.
Looking, covering, writing and checking does not teach spelling. Looking for little words inside other words, and doing word searches are just time fillers. And writing your “spelling” words in spirals or backwards is just plain stupid.
And yet, this is a good summary of most of the current spelling programs in schools today.
So, what should spelling teaching look like?

Finding meaning

Children should know the meanings of the words they spell, and as logical as that sounds - ask a child in your life what this week’s spelling words mean, and you might be surprised by their answers.
If spelling words are simply strings of letters to be learnt by heart with no meaning attached and no investigation of how those words are constructed, then we are simply assigning our children a task equivalent to learning ten random seven-digit PINs each week.
That is not only very very hard, it’s pointless.

More than sounds

English is an alphabetic language; we use letters to write words. But it is not a phonetic language: there is no simple match between sounds and letters.
We have 26 letters, but we have around 44 sounds (it’s not easy to be precise as different accents produce different sounds) and several hundred ways to write those sounds.
So, while sounds - or phonics - are important in learning to spell, they are insufficient. When the only tool we give young children for spelling is to “sound it out”, we are making a phonological promise to them that English simply cannot keep.

How words make their meanings

Sounds are important in learning to spell, but just as important are the morphemes in words. Morphemes are the meaningful parts of words. For example, “jumped” has two morphemes - “jump” and “ed”. “Jump” is easily recognised as meaningful, but “ed” is also meaningful because it tells us that the jump happened in the past.
Young spellers who are relying on the phonological promise given to them in their early years of schooling typically spell “jumped” as “jumt”.
When attempting to spell a word, the first question we should teach children to ask is not “what sounds can I hear?” but “what does this word mean?”. This gives important information, which helps enormously with the spelling of the word.
In the example of “jumt” it brings us back to the base word “jump”; where the sound of “p” can now be heard, and the past marker “ed” , rather than the sound “t” which we hear when we say the word.
Consider the author of the emergency text message at the beginning of this article as they pondered which of the many plausible letters they could use for the sound they could hear in “res - uh - dent”.
If they had asked themselves first, “What does this word mean?” the answer would have been people who “reside”, and then they would have heard the answer to their phonological dilemma.

Where words come from

English has a fascinating and constantly evolving history. Our words, and their spellings, come from many languages. Often we have kept the spellings from the original languages, while applying our own pronunciation.
As a result, only about 12% of words in English are spelt the way they sound. But that doesn’t mean that spelling is inexplicable, and therefore only learned by rote - it means that teaching spelling becomes a fascinating exploration of the remarkable history of the language - etymology.
Some may think that etymology is the sole province of older and experienced learners, but it’s not.
Young children are incredibly responsive to stories about words, and these understandings about words are key to building their spelling skills, but also building their vocabulary.
Yet poor spellers and young spellers are rarely given these additional tools to understand how words work and too often poor spellers are relegated to simply doing more phonics work.

Teaching - not testing

The only people who benefit from spelling tests are those who do well on them - and the benefit is to their self-esteem rather than their spelling ability. They were already good spellers.
The people who don’t benefit from spelling tests are those who are poor at spelling. They struggled with spelling before the test, and they still struggle after the test. Testing is not teaching.
Parents and teachers should consider these questions as they reflect on the ways in which spelling is approached in their school.
Are all children learning to love words from their very first years at school? Are they being fascinated by stories about where words come from and what those stories tell us about the spelling of those words?
Are they being excited by breaking the code, figuring how words are making their meanings and thrilled to find that what they’ve learned about one word helps them solve another word?
Put simply - is spelling your child’s favourite subject?
If the answer is no, then something needs to be done about the teaching.



Courtesy:Misty Adoniou is a Senior Lecturer in Language, Literacy and TESL at University of Canberra. This article is republished from The Conversation, an independent source of analysis, commentary and news from the university and research sector.

 

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Friday, 21 February 2014

How your pre-schooler learns


Your child is a sponge for learning; by being exposed to a wide range of stimulating experiences, he will soak up an enormous amount of information which, with guidance, he will process to form a view of his world that is unique to him.

Kids learn from:


  • Watching. By watching what is happening around him, he will learn the sequence of events, cause and effect, and how to problem-solve.
  • Listening. It is by listening that children learn the vast majority of their language skills. They also learn how to participate in a conversation and how to find meaning in language.
  • Asking. He asks and you show. Always take the time to answer your pre-schooler's questions - no matter how many there are, or how often he asks - because by giving him the information he's requested, you're giving him the tools to order his world.
  • Trying new things. Encourage him to take a leap of faith occasionally - he'll only acquire new skills if he's willing to take a risk. Sometimes he'll make a mistake, but to err is human, remember?
  • Practising the skills he learns. Whether he's learning to drink from a cup properly, or ride a bike, every new skill takes practice, practice, practice. So give him plenty of time and space (and guidance if he needs it) to master each new skill.
The best learning environment for your child is one in which he feels secure, loved and supported. It takes confidence to try something new, and so it is in this type of environment - rather than one full of pressure and expectation - that your child will be most willing to take the steps to learn new things.
Learning a new skill is tiring work, so if your child has had a busy and productive morning, don't push him further. Try something more gentle and nurturing - perhaps a familiar puzzle or game, or a run in the local park.



Courtesy: This article was written by Ella Walsh for Kidspot. Sources include SA Government's Parenting and Child Health and Raising Children Network

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Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Preventing Allergies: New Recommendations and Thoughts

Food allergies are on the rise in developed countries. It has become a significant source of fear for parents, who know that sometimes the smallest exposure to an allergen could kill their children in a matter of minutes. It has become a challenge for schools, daycares, and other institutions who want to ensure a safe environment for all children without being overly restrictive about the foods other children can bring with them. The implications of food allergies range from inconvenience to death. Parents of infants and young children, especially in families with a history of food allergies, want to do everything they can to protect their children. There is a lot of fear when introducing common allergens to high-risk infants and some families have even been known to go and sit in the parking lot of the Children's Hospital while introducing nuts or other allergens for the first time (even though Pediatrician Dr. Daniel Flanders noted to me on twitter that "ironically, the first introduction doesn't illicit a reaction. Only happens with subsequent exposures.").

Because of the high and ever-increasing prevalance of food allergies in Canada (7% among the general population, and >10% of one-year olds), the Canadian Paediatric Society (CPS) considers allergy prevention a key health goal. As a result of ongoing research, guidelines for health care providers has been updated in a number of countries including the United States, Europe and Australia in the past few years. In December 2013, CPS issued a joint statement along with the Canadian Society of Allergy and Clinical Immunology on Dietary Exposures and Allergy Prevention in High-Risk Infants. Their new recommendations are as follows (emphasis mine):

    Do not restrict maternal diet during pregnancy or lactation. There is no evidence that avoiding milk, egg, peanut or other potential allergens during pregnancy helps to prevent allergy, while the risks of maternal undernutrition and potential harm to the infant may be significant. (Evidence II-2B)
    Breastfeed exclusively for the first six months of life. Whether breastfeeding prevents allergy as well as providing optimal infant nutrition and other manifest benefits is not known. The total duration of breastfeeding (at least six months) may be more protective than exclusive breastfeeding for six months. (Evidence II-2B)
    Choose a hydrolyzed cow’s milk-based formula, if necessary. For mothers who cannot or choose not to breastfeed, there is limited evidence that hydrolyzed cow’s milk formula has a preventive effect against atopic dermatitis compared with intact cow’s milk formula. Extensively hydrolyzed casein formula is likely to be more effective than partially hydrolyzed whey formula in preventing atopic dermatitis. Amino acid-based formula has not been studied for allergy prevention, and there is no role for soy formula in allergy prevention. It is unclear whether any infant formula has a protective effect for allergic conditions other than atopic dermatitis. (Evidence IB)
    Do not delay the introduction of any specific solid food beyond six months of age. Later introduction of peanut, fish or egg does not prevent, and may even increase, the risk of developing food allergy. (Evidence II-2B)
    More research is needed on the early introduction of specific foods to prevent allergy. Inducing tolerance by introducing solid foods at four to six months of age is currently under investigation and cannot be recommended at this time. The benefits of this approach need to be confirmed in a rigorous prospective trial. (Evidence II-2B)
    Current research on immunological responses appears to suggest that the regular ingestion of newly introduced foods (eg, several times per week and with a soft mashed consistency to prevent choking) is important to maintain tolerance. However, routine skin or specific IgE blood testing before a first ingestion is discouraged due to the high risk of potentially confusing false-positive results. (Evidence II-2B)

I bolded some of the items that were of particular interest to me or that seemed to be different from things I've read in the media, in baby or pregnancy books, or heard as advice being passed down from one mother to another.

I think these recommendations are an important part of our individual management of allergy risk within our own families. At the same time, CPS notes that ongoing research is of course needed on the topic.

But beyond the timing of the introduction of foods, I was interested in what some of the other potential causes are for the increase in allergies. Like many other issues we are facing in our society, there must be systemic issues that are contributing to the trend. So I asked Dr. Edmond Chan, the co-author of the statement on Dietary Exposures and Allergy Prevention in High-Risk Infants for his thoughts on a couple of questions.

Q: Do we know what is causing food allergy to increase?

A: The CPS position statement is focused only on one potential contributing cause, i.e.) dietary exposures during early infancy and their potential impact on development of food allergy.  The “cause” of the food allergy increase is based on a variety of genetic and environmental factors all coming together, rather than one single cause.  In addition to delayed versus early exposure to foods, other environmental factors likely include:  ability to manage eczematous skin, the hygiene hypothesis, and other possible factors (such as the role of probiotics, omega 3 fatty acids, vitamin D, etc).

Q: Do we know what makes food allergy more prevalent in some countries rather than others?

A: Studies suggest that food allergy is more prevalent in developed countries.  This aligns with the suspected causes listed above, as data suggests that developed countries are more likely to have the mix of environmental factors which promote development of food allergy:  i.e.) delayed introduction of foods, conditions which exacerbate eczematous skin, fewer germs to educate the immune system in a beneficial way, etc.

There is little that can be done about genes, but ongoing research, guidance and interventions on the other issues are particularly important in my mind. As an example, the "fewer germs" issue is one that gets raised in many other contexts as well. In addition to more allergies, there is also concern about the increased use of antibiotics (in humans and animals) and antibacterial products and the resulting increase in antibiotic resistence. On the NHS website in the UK, an article on food allergies references the rise in food allergies and notes:

    One theory is that the rise in cases is due to the changes in a typical child’s diet that has occurred over the last 30 to 40 years.

    Another theory is that children are increasingly growing up in "germ-free" environments. This means that their immune system may not receive sufficient early exposure to the germs it needs to develop properly. This is known as the hygiene hypothesis.

I've written before about how I'm more afraid of chemicals (in cleaning products) than germs and how my babies were healthy without Lysol (despite what the marketers of Lysol would like you to believe). I don't think that routine disinfecting is a good idea. I think it limits our children's exposure to the germs they need to be exposed to in order to develop healthy immune systems. But I wonder how we, as a society, can manage the combination of allergy risk and overdisinfecting risk? How do you ensure people who need to be exposed to germs are exposed to them while also limiting the exposure of those with developed allergies to allergens that are so dangerous to them?

I know that some of my smart readers have children with allergies and I know that many of them are also on the green/natural end of the spectrum. I'm interested in hearing from them and from all of you on the ways that we, as a society, can manage the very real risk of exposure to allergens for allergic children while also trying to prevent developing allergies in the population as a whole.




Courtesy:  http://www.phdinparenting.com/blog/2014/1/14/introducing-allergens-to-infants-and-preventing-allergies-ne.html

Food allergies are on the rise in developed countries. It has become a significant source of fear for parents, who know that sometimes the smallest exposure to an allergen could kill their children in a matter of minutes. It has become a challenge for schools, daycares, and other institutions who want to ensure a safe environment for all children without being overly restrictive about the foods other children can bring with them. The implications of food allergies range from inconvenience to death. Parents of infants and young children, especially in families with a history of food allergies, want to do everything they can to protect their children. There is a lot of fear when introducing common allergens to high-risk infants and some families have even been known to go and sit in the parking lot of the Children's Hospital while introducing nuts or other allergens for the first time (even though Pediatrician Dr. Daniel Flanders noted to me on twitter that "ironically, the first introduction doesn't illicit a reaction. Only happens with subsequent exposures.").

Because of the high and ever-increasing prevalance of food allergies in Canada (7% among the general population, and >10% of one-year olds), the Canadian Paediatric Society (CPS) considers allergy prevention a key health goal. As a result of ongoing research, guidelines for health care providers has been updated in a number of countries including the United States, Europe and Australia in the past few years. In December 2013, CPS issued a joint statement along with the Canadian Society of Allergy and Clinical Immunology on Dietary Exposures and Allergy Prevention in High-Risk Infants. Their new recommendations are as follows (emphasis mine):
  • Do not restrict maternal diet during pregnancy or lactation. There is no evidence that avoiding milk, egg, peanut or other potential allergens during pregnancy helps to prevent allergy, while the risks of maternal undernutrition and potential harm to the infant may be significant. (Evidence II-2B)
  • Breastfeed exclusively for the first six months of life. Whether breastfeeding prevents allergy as well as providing optimal infant nutrition and other manifest benefits is not known. The total duration of breastfeeding (at least six months) may be more protective than exclusive breastfeeding for six months. (Evidence II-2B)
  • Choose a hydrolyzed cow’s milk-based formula, if necessary. For mothers who cannot or choose not to breastfeed, there is limited evidence that hydrolyzed cow’s milk formula has a preventive effect against atopic dermatitis compared with intact cow’s milk formula. Extensively hydrolyzed casein formula is likely to be more effective than partially hydrolyzed whey formula in preventing atopic dermatitis. Amino acid-based formula has not been studied for allergy prevention, and there is no role for soy formula in allergy prevention. It is unclear whether any infant formula has a protective effect for allergic conditions other than atopic dermatitis. (Evidence IB)
  • Do not delay the introduction of any specific solid food beyond six months of age. Later introduction of peanut, fish or egg does not prevent, and may even increase, the risk of developing food allergy. (Evidence II-2B)
  • More research is needed on the early introduction of specific foods to prevent allergy. Inducing tolerance by introducing solid foods at four to six months of age is currently under investigation and cannot be recommended at this time. The benefits of this approach need to be confirmed in a rigorous prospective trial. (Evidence II-2B)
  • Current research on immunological responses appears to suggest that the regular ingestion of newly introduced foods (eg, several times per week and with a soft mashed consistency to prevent choking) is important to maintain tolerance. However, routine skin or specific IgE blood testing before a first ingestion is discouraged due to the high risk of potentially confusing false-positive results. (Evidence II-2B)
I bolded some of the items that were of particular interest to me or that seemed to be different from things I've read in the media, in baby or pregnancy books, or heard as advice being passed down from one mother to another.
I think these recommendations are an important part of our individual management of allergy risk within our own families. At the same time, CPS notes that ongoing research is of course needed on the topic.
But beyond the timing of the introduction of foods, I was interested in what some of the other potential causes are for the increase in allergies. Like many other issues we are facing in our society, there must be systemic issues that are contributing to the trend. So I asked Dr. Edmond Chan, the co-author of the statement on Dietary Exposures and Allergy Prevention in High-Risk Infants for his thoughts on a couple of questions.
Q: Do we know what is causing food allergy to increase? 
A: The CPS position statement is focused only on one potential contributing cause, i.e.) dietary exposures during early infancy and their potential impact on development of food allergy.  The “cause” of the food allergy increase is based on a variety of genetic and environmental factors all coming together, rather than one single cause.  In addition to delayed versus early exposure to foods, other environmental factors likely include:  ability to manage eczematous skin, the hygiene hypothesis, and other possible factors (such as the role of probiotics, omega 3 fatty acids, vitamin D, etc).

Q: Do we know what makes food allergy more prevalent in some countries rather than others? 
A: Studies suggest that food allergy is more prevalent in developed countries.  This aligns with the suspected causes listed above, as data suggests that developed countries are more likely to have the mix of environmental factors which promote development of food allergy:  i.e.) delayed introduction of foods, conditions which exacerbate eczematous skin, fewer germs to educate the immune system in a beneficial way, etc.
There is little that can be done about genes, but ongoing research, guidance and interventions on the other issues are particularly important in my mind. As an example, the "fewer germs" issue is one that gets raised in many other contexts as well. In addition to more allergies, there is also concern about the increased use of antibiotics (in humans and animals) and antibacterial products and the resulting increase in antibiotic resistence. On the NHS website in the UK, an article on food allergies references the rise in food allergies and notes:
One theory is that the rise in cases is due to the changes in a typical child’s diet that has occurred over the last 30 to 40 years.
Another theory is that children are increasingly growing up in "germ-free" environments. This means that their immune system may not receive sufficient early exposure to the germs it needs to develop properly. This is known as the hygiene hypothesis.
I've written before about how I'm more afraid of chemicals (in cleaning products) than germs and how my babies were healthy without Lysol (despite what the marketers of Lysol would like you to believe). I don't think that routine disinfecting is a good idea. I think it limits our children's exposure to the germs they need to be exposed to in order to develop healthy immune systems. But I wonder how we, as a society, can manage the combination of allergy risk and overdisinfecting risk? How do you ensure people who need to be exposed to germs are exposed to them while also limiting the exposure of those with developed allergies to allergens that are so dangerous to them?
I know that some of my smart readers have children with allergies and I know that many of them are also on the green/natural end of the spectrum. I'm interested in hearing from them and from all of you on the ways that we, as a society, can manage the very real risk of exposure to allergens for allergic children while also trying to prevent developing allergies in the population as a whole.
- See more at: http://www.phdinparenting.com/blog/2014/1/14/introducing-allergens-to-infants-and-preventing-allergies-ne.html#sthash.Q8wvGbvN.dpuf
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Monday, 17 February 2014

Building Good Homework Habits

Choose the Right Setting for Children to do Homework

Most parents with kids in traditional school dread homework but it doesn't have to be such a challenge.  First, having a routine is key. It's important to choose the right place and time for homework and independent work. Students need to know what is expected of them and when. So choosing the right time and having a routine is key.
Don't start homework right after school or a lesson.

Make Sure Your Child Eats Before Homework

Children need time to decompress and relax after a long school day. It's always good to have children exercise and need a snack before beginning a homework routine.
Organization is also really important.  You should choose a quiet place for your student to study and provide them with all of the materials that they need to complete each homework task.  Some students will need a visual organization chart.  List out all of the homework they have to do for the night then have the student check off as they go.  Planners, notebooks, and folders for each subject are a great way to keep homework organized to make sure that everything they complete at home makes it back to school the next day.

Review Notes Before Homework

Use headphones or soft music to minimize external noise. Older students might find it helpful to review their notes first. After a long day of school, tackling homework can be daunting.  Have them read through their nose to refresh what they learned that day.  Homework doesn't have to be done at a table or desk.  Have your student move as they learn. Allow older children to choose their location.  Sharing power will help them approach homework with a better attitude.
Finally and maybe most importantly, provide a reward system.  Encouragement is key for good homework habits. Make sure they know exactly what reward they'll get for completing each task and follow through. For more information, visit about.com. 




Courtesy: http://video.about.com/childparenting/Building-Good-Homework-Habits.htm

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How to Discipline Without Yelling at Kids

If you are a parent, you’ve probably lost your temper with your kids and have yelled at them at some point. We parents are only human, and kids can sometimes be really good at pushing our buttons and challenging us with behavior problems such as defiance and backtalk. Yelling and losing our cool, in other words, can sometimes happen. But if yelling is an all-too frequent occurrence in your home, it may be time for you to take stock of what’s going on and consider some alternative ways to communicate with your child.


Some Reasons to Reconsider Yelling

There are several reasons why yelling is not an ideal form of discipline and is, in fact, a common discipline mistake. The most important thing to ask yourself is what your child is learning when he is disciplined in this manner, and how he may be affected by being yelled at regularly. Here are some reasons why you may want to lower your voice and calm down before you discipline your child.
You are teaching your child that aggression is okay.
Raising your voice may get your child’s attention in the immediate term, but it’s important to think about what yelling is teaching your child. When you raise your voice, your child learns that aggression is an acceptable way to communicate. Just as spanking your child will teach her that hitting is a good way to discipline, your child will see yelling as something you should do to get your point across when there is a problem or a conflict.
Yelling will lose its effectiveness over time.
Will yelling get your child's attention in the short term? Yes. But here's the thing: Raising your voice all the time can dull the effectiveness of yelling or using a firm tone of voice later on. It's akin to someone crying wolf all the time; eventually, you would tune it out. By raising your voice regularly, you are creating a situation where your child will be less likely to listen to you.
It's not respectful.
How would you feel if your boss yelled at you when you made a mistake? What if your partner or a friend or family member spoke to you in this way during a fight? Would you feel defensive and hurt and angry or would you feel more inclined to hear what he or she was saying? No matter what the person is trying to say, odds are you will be more inclined to hear that person out and really think about what is being said to you if you are treated with respect and spoken to in a cordial manner.
Your child will retreat or become angry.
Human beings have a natural reaction to being yelled at. We either retreat or respond in anger. These are the reactions you will get from your child when you lose your cool, and whether or not your child's behavior is corrected, you should ask yourself if it's worth the price.
You are showing that you are not in control of your own emotions.
Disapproval, disappointment, and displeasure: those are pretty powerful weapons in a parent's discipline arsenal. But yelling shows your child that you are not in control--something you definitely do not want when you are asserting authority.
Yelling may be more harmful than we think.
Recent research has shown that yelling may be as harmful as spanking. (Some parents, of course, choose to spank, but many experts, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, do not support spanking, and point to research showing the negative effects of corporal punishment, especially when parents hit kids in anger.) Researchers at University of Pittsburgh found that using harsh verbal discipline, which includes shouting, cursing, or using insults, may be just as damaging to kids as hitting them. They found that kids who had experienced harsh verbal discipline from parents were more likely to be depressed or exhibit antisocial or behavioral problems.

How to Stop Yelling and What to Do Instead

So how do we stop yelling, and what can we do instead to convey our unhappiness when kids misbehave? Here are some strategies to try:
Give yourself a time out.
When you find yourself losing your cool, take a few minutes (15, 20, or more--whatever it takes) to calm down and do something else. Then, you can revisit the problem when you can clearly explain to your child what you want her to do differently the next time and what the consequences will be if she does not follow your instructions. (For example, if she didn't set the table after you asked her to do it 5 times, explain to her that she will set the table right away the next time; if she does not listen, she will have to clear it and help load the dishwasher, too.) Taking time to calm yourself down is a great way to discipline with a Zen attitude.
Make it easier for him to not fail.
Try to see things from your child's point of view. If you ask him to do something while he's in the middle of a video game or show you gave him permission to play or watch, it's likely he won't respond right away; give him a 10-minute heads up and let him know you want him to stop soon. If he resorted to lying about something, find out why he did what he did before you react in anger. If he's prone to dawdling, come up with ways to help him speed things up. In other words, set your child up to behave and figure out what went wrong when he doesn't.
List the things your child does right.
The next time you are angry with your child, try this exercise: List all the things she does right. You can do this in your head while you're cooling off. Then, when it comes time to sit down and talk to your child about her behavior and what you expect her to do to fix it, you can also tell your child about all the things you think she is great at doing, and why you expect her to be able to do better next time.
Speak gently to maximize your impact.
Once you have calmed down, sit down with your child and ask him for his full attention. Speak in a calm and clear manner (and keep it short for younger kids) and tell him why you are unhappy with his behavior and what you would like him to do differently going forward. Just as you would teach your child good manners by using those manners yourself, the way you speak to your child will be the way your child speaks to you.
Never insult your child or use curses.
Whatever the behavior problem is or how frustrating it may be, remember that words can be a very powerful tool that can easily become a weapon. Just as you can build a child's confidence with encouragement, you can tear her down with insults or curses. Be very aware of what you say to your child as well as how you say it.
Courtesy: Katherine Lee
 
 




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Sunday, 16 February 2014

Teaching Children Manners

In today’s fast-paced, technology-driven society where emails and texts have largely replaced face-to-face interactions and rude behavior such as people barking into cell phones in public spaces or texting at the dinner table are increasingly commonplace, teaching children good manners is something that is more crucial than ever.
One of the most important jobs we have as parents is to help our children develop social skills, show them how to interact in a polite manner with people, and teach them to treat others with respect. Whether the occasion is a holiday gathering, a family meal, or a simple trip to the grocery store, parents can use these social opportunities to instill good manners in their children that will become a habitual part of their lives into adolescence and beyond. Here are some great ways parents can teach their children good manners.

Important Manners to Teach Your Child

  • Teach them to say “Please” and “Thank you.”
    This, of course, is one of the cardinal foundations of good manners. As kids get older, parents can encourage them to write thank you notes, preferably with pen and paper. It goes without saying that kids should learn how to say thank you for gifts that they receive; but they should also be taught to say thank you to people who assist or serve them, such as waiters in restaurants, and even their mom and dad when they do something for them in the course of their daily routines.

  • Don’t forget the cousins.
    The cousins of “Please” and “Thank you,” that is. Be sure to teach your child to use phrases such as “May I,” “Fine, thank you; and how are you?” says Patricia Rossi, author of Everyday Etiquette.

  • Practice greeting people properly.
    Showing your child how to greet people properly is one of the most important skills you can teach him, says Rossi. Teach your child to look people in the eye, face them directly, and shake their hand when meeting them. A great way to practice these skills is by going over them with your child while role-playing.

  • Encourage your child to use “Mr.” or “Ms.”
    It may sound old-fashioned, but using a title and last name is really the most well-mannered way for a child to address or refer to someone, says Rossi.

  • Go over how they should answer the telephone.
    When answering the telephone, teach your child to say, “May I tell my mother who is calling, please?” instead of saying “Who is this?” says Rossi. And for safety’s sake, tell your child not to say your family’s name when answering the phone (as in, “Smith residence”). Also, remind your child to never scream across the house for you but to walk over to you and tell you that you have a phone call. If you are unavailable, teach your child to say something like, “She’s not available. May I take a message, please?” And tell your child to take down the information, repeat it back to the caller, and ask the caller how her name is spelled.

  • Emphasize cell phone etiquette.
    If your child has a cell phone, be sure you convey the message that it will not be brought to the table. (In fact, you may want to consider banning all electronics at the table, and turning off the TV so that you can focus on each other and the dinner conversation.) Rossi suggests having your child place her cell phone in a basket when she walks in the door.

  • Remind your child to speak to people in a way he wants to be spoken to.
    That means not using use rude remarks such as “Shut up,” or speaking in an unfriendly tone of voice, even when disagreeing with someone.

  • Get your child into the habit of waiting her turn to speak.
    This is one a lot of children, especially younger kids, have trouble with. That’s because often, kids want to express their thoughts as soon as something occurs to them. Children are also naturally self-centered, and may need reminders to wait until someone has finished speaking before interrupting. To help kids learn this habit, parents can try using a visual reminder, such as a stuffed animal or a talking stick. Simply have everyone talk only when it’s their turn to hold the talking stick to teach kids how to wait for their turn to speak.

  • Emphasize the importance of being gracious when competing.
    Teach your child not to gloat when winning and to cheer others on when he is losing. Good sportsmanship will be an important skill for children to have later in life when they need to work with others on projects and other endeavors at home and at work.

  • Teach your child good play date manners.
    Remind your child to follow the rules of her friend’s house when on a play date, and to always clean up after herself before leaving. Be sure your child always greets the host or hostess, never puts her feet on the furniture, and waits until the host eats first at snack time. Also stress the importance of using an “library voice” inside the house. If your child is hosting the play date, be sure that she puts her friend first, by, say giving her the best seat and serving her first, says Rossi.
  • Instill good table manners in your child.
    No matter whether it’s a big holiday meal with family or an ordinary dinner during the week, your child should have a good handle on basic table manners. Basic good manners such as not chewing with one’s mouth full or waiting to eat until everyone has been served can be followed by even the youngest of grade-schoolers. And as children become older, they can help set and clear the table and carry on pleasant dinner conversation.
Finally, remember that you set the standard. If you are at the dinner table texting on your cell phone or routinely speak to people in a rude manner, your child will pick up on these behaviors and will most likely copy them. If you want to raise and well-mannered child, the first thing you must do as a parent is take a good look at your own behavior and make sure you are consistently practicing good manners yourself.



Courtesy: Katherine Lee

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6 Healthy Habits To Teach Kids Who Worry Too Much

It seems like an easy principle to live by, but in reality many of us live our days fighting the Worry Monster -- that constant internal voice that tells us we aren't doing enough, succeeding enough, gaining enough, earning enough. For our kids, this trickles down into fears like "I won't be able to pass my spelling test," "I won't do well in soccer practice" or "I'm not smart enough or cool enough for my friends. "
So how do we instill tools within our children to help them combat these universal and common anxious feelings? How can our children learn to live in the present rather than worry about the future that has yet to come? Encourage these six simple, practical and healthy habits for daily living:
1. Make a worry list.
Have your child make a list of all his or her worries and fears, both small and large. Just the act of recognizing and writing down worries can sometimes make the scary emotions seem less intimidating for your child. This allows you to identify which worries and fears you want to work on with your child, tackling one by one together.
2. Practice thinking strategies.
Help your children convert their worries into reassurances by teaching them new thinking strategies. For example, if their consistent worry is "I am afraid my mom won't pick me up from school," have them replace it with "I know my mom is coming for me because she ALWAYS does." Together, you can say each worry and fear and come up with new sentences to combat the old. Practice these with your kids until they become habitual replacements for the old, incessant worries. This is a key skill for building resilience.
3. Don't skimp on sleep.
Make sure your child gets enough sleep on a regular basis. Well-rested equals well-equipped mentally and physically to deal with minor daily stresses. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that 3- to 5-year-olds get 11-13 hours a night, 5- to 12-year-olds get 10-11 hours per night, and teens get 9.25 hours per night (although some do fine with 8.5 hours).
4. Make good nutrition a priority.
Make sure your child gets a steady dose of protein throughout the day. Many kids experience low blood sugar, also known as hypoglycemia. Low blood sugar usually occurs a few hours after breakfast and it looks and feels a lot like anxiety: they feel dizzy, start sweating, feel weak, and their heart beats really fast. Staying away from caffeine and energy drinks is also recommended as they mimic the effects of adrenaline and cause people to feel anxious.
5. Get some exercise.
Exercise burns adrenaline. If it's not already a part of your child's daily routine, add daily exercise to your child's plan, and let him know that not only is it good for his body, but it will help keep the Worry Monster away. Exercise can include any activities that your child enjoys such as swimming, shooting baskets, hiking, soccer, dodge ball, tennis, martial arts, jumping rope, rock climbing, bicycling, dancing, gymnastics or yoga. Anything that increases your child's heart rate will help fight the Worry Monster.
6. Don't underestimate distraction.
Arm your children with a little healthy distraction. Let them pick a favorite activity such as ten minutes on the computer playing a brain game, time out for reading a favorite book, watching a half hour television show or bike riding around the block -- and allow them to do that activity whenever a worry attack comes on. This allows them to combat worry with pleasure and takes their mind off the often paralyzing thoughts and feelings brought on by the Worry Monster. Before you and they know it, they have been distracted from their worries.
All of us experience worry and anxiety, but Worry Warriors know that the trick is to understand how the Worry Monster works, be prepared for his sneaky ways, tackle him head-on and not leave him lurking silently in the closet. We can arm our children to battle their anxious thoughts and engage in life -- and we can do the same. By maintaining these six healthy habits, your family can put their worries aside and experience life to the fullest in 2014.



Courtesy: Daniel B. Peters, Ph.D.  -Psychologist, Author


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Saturday, 15 February 2014

How to set a table to teach your kids good eating habits

With a little time and effort with your table settings, you can transform your children's relationship with their food

Good habits should be learned as early as possible. Photograph: Getty Images/Cultura RF
When I was a child, the call of "time to set the table", had a twin impact on me: the feeling of injustice at being made to stop playing, countered by the sweet anticipation of dinner. I always struggled to get the knife and fork the right way round – and still do for some reason. But the table was always set for dinner. Always! Fast forward a couple of decades, and is a set table still important? Or are we in the age of cutlery in a heap and cold plates, or of abandoning the table altogether?
Even without elaborately arranged silverware and starched napery, setting the table still has a lot going for it. In fact current thinking seems to be that family eating could have a positive impact on teaching good eating practices and could, therefore, contribute to fighting rising obesity in the UK. The ritual of cutlery placing is part of family eating; it tells the kids that food is coming and involves them in the process. There is also something about the arranging and the correctness of table setting that appeals to children, a bit like doing jigsaws.
So, it might seem obvious, but encouraging these rituals, and a grown-up attitude to food, can only help in setting your kids on a path to healthy eating.

Using knives and forks

More important than positioning is what you give your children to use. There's a lot to be said for small-size metal cutlery. Small-size plastic cutlery is useless. Last year, the Soil Association's "Out to Lunch" survey of children's food in restaurants found that only one chain offered proper children's cutlery. Once they are past the point of hurting their toothless gums with metal spoons, do children really need to have everything made of brightly coloured plastic, emblazoned with cartoon characters? Which brings me to …

Glasses

I take the rather radical view that water glasses should be made of glass. Obviously I mean for children who are past the throwing-on-the-floor stage, but glass is so much less tippable than plastic and it doesn't taste sinister. Montessori practitioners claim that using "real" glasses and crockery shows children that they are trusted and teaches them gentleness and care. Even if you don't buy into those ideas, real plates and glasses are what you want your children to end up using at some point, so why not bring them to the table as soon as possible? Those with tiled floors might take a different view of course!

Jugs

In order to fill the glasses, the next thing you need on the table is a jug. Any jug will do, but if you want to encourage water drinking – and I do, seeing as my son seems to be on a permanent mission to dehydrate himself – I'd suggest you consider a "glug fish". Again, the art of careful pouring is a good thing for children to learn and even very young children can be helped to pour their own water. If you want to avoid a flood, you can always have a small jug with not much in and it'll still encourage independence.

Serving dishes and utensils

A recent study suggested that allowing children to serve themselves teaches them about portion size and about listening to their own hunger. It's an obvious point really, but perhaps these skills are being lost. Asking kids to help themselves to food, rather than getting into the torture of "five more mouthfuls" has got to be a good plan. If you have very little ones, you might consider using tongs instead of serving spoons; for some reason children find tongs a lot of fun, especially for serving sausages.

Placemats

Everyone loves a placemat. They add a neatness and wipability to the table and give the kids the opportunity of having a "favourite placemat". A friend tells me of her fond memories of her grandmother's table setting drawer, full of cutlery, napkins and placemats with vintage car prints. "I always found them so evocative," she says, "I have an appalling memory, but I can still picture every detail of those placemats." There is something comfortingly nostalgic about placemats, especially ones from charity shops showing scenes of idyllic villages. Another good option to help with table setting are the ones printed with outlines of knives and forks.
So, next time the table needs setting, get the kids to do it; maybe even give them a free rein. At the very least you will end up with an amusingly eccentric collection of eatingware. But over time it might just possibly have a positive impact on family mealtimes, and in my book that has to be worth the effort …
 
 
Courtesy: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2014/jan/23/teach-your-kids-good-eating-habits
 


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Friday, 14 February 2014

Parenting an Out of Control Child




Question:
My son, I just love him so much, I think he should consider an acting career. I am trying to find ways for him to calm down after he gets hurt (parenting an out of control child). Tonight he stepped on a splinter and I had to pull it out. I realize that it probably did hurt badly. I don’t mind if he cries, yells, whatever. But he just seems to enter into some kind of crazy hysterics whenever something like this happens! A lot of times he gets unreasonable, totally out of control. I try soothing talk, acknowledging his pain, and sympathizing. Maybe I go overboard? I try to get him to take deep breaths but he just cries “I can’t I can’t!” Do you think it’d work better if he practiced this just during a *normal* time? What can I do to help him stay calm, or help him calm down when he is hurting?
Answer:
In terms of parenting an out of control child and parental response to kids in general, there are basically 3 approaches:
  1. Parent as drill sergeant (too strict)
  2. Parent as rescue pilot (too permissive)
  3. Parent as consultant (balanced)
The drill sergeant parent will look at a (not seriously) hurt child and respond with,”It’s not that bad,Don’t cry, Don’t be a baby, just take care of it, big boys don’t cry, suck it up”, etc. This parent will not be physically or emotionally available to the child. The child will typically misinterpret this parental response with ideas such as, “I need to hide my feelings” or “My parent doesn’t care” or “When I’m hurt I need to keep it to myself, or not seek help” or possibly “If I get louder and more obnoxious, maybe they’ll see me”. When parents respond to with this style over time, children develop mistaken beliefs like, “I can’t show my feelings”, “I have to take care of myself, do it alone”, “There’s no one there for me but me” etc. As adults, these are the people who don’t seek out a doctor until they’re half-dead, or hide their feelings from people, or have an attitude that “I have to look out for #1 (me) because no one else will”.
The parent as rescue pilot responds dramatically, “Oh my God! Let me see! Oh, you poor baby! Mommy will make it all better! Here let me kiss it for you and make it all better, You want some ice cream? Shhh. it’s OK, it won’t hurt anymore!” Typically, kids eat-up this response. They respond with even more drama, loving every minute of all this love and attention. Kids who weren’t even hurt that bad become sobbing, helpless and needy, basking in all your love and attention. These children develop beliefs such as “It pays to get hurt, I can get lots of love and attention this way”, “Even if it’s not that bad, if I play it up I might get a treat”, “When I get hurt, someone else will make it better for me” or “I don’t know how to take care of myself, other people are there for that”. As adults these people tend to be accident prone, needy and hypochondriacs.
The parent as consultant brings a balanced response to the situation, “OW! That looks like it hurts!” wait for the child’s response, they will tell you the degree of hurt involved, either, “Aw, it’s not that bad” or “Yeah! It really stings!” Either way, they feel you care. Then the consultant says, “What do you think I would do if I fell down and scraped up my knee like that?” or “What do you think you need to do to fix it or make it feel better?” the child typically looks upward, searching their brain, THINKING! Thinking is a good thing for kids to do, and as consultants, we teach them how to think out solutions. If they are really hurt bad, we might need to make suggestions, if not you can follow their lead and make sure they remember all that needs to be done. If she says, “Put a Band-Aid on it?” you can say, “Yes great! And it looks like there is some dirt, what else do you need?” she says, “A towel to wash it off?” you say, “Great idea! And what can you put on it so it doesn’t get infected?” she says, “Spray that stuff on it?” you say, “Great! How about if I go get the stuff and help you fix it up?” This child comes to believe things like, “When I get hurt, people care about my feelings” and “When I get hurt, I can figure out what needs to be done”, “I am loved and capable of taking care of myself”, feeling loveable AND capable is one essence of self-esteem.


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3 Ideas to See the Positive Intention



3 Ideas to See the Positive Intention

Now you have Visualized the Positive Behaviors, what can you do when “real life” shows up?
So often as parents we see the behavior of our children as negative or bad. We think that they are “out to get us”, “make our lives miserable” or even that they are “terrors, brats or demons”. (Yes, one parent did actually characterize her child’s behavior by calling him a demon). Here are 3 ideas for looking at their behavior from another perspective.
Mom walked into the kitchen to her two-year-old son smashing grapes on the floor. Her first instinct was to yell at him for making a mess (she was one of those “keeps everything really clean” moms). She took a deep breath and put herself in his shoes as she watched the intensity with which he was smashing grapes. He didn’t even notice her presence. She saw him take a grape into his hand, look at it, place it on the floor and carefully stomp his foot upon it, remove his foot and observe the resultant smashed remains. She walked quietly toward him, got on his level and let him show her all about what he was doing. He was so excited and babbling all about it! Mom listened to him chatter all about it for awhile and when he was satisfied, she gently transitioned to cleaning up with him, teaching him to be responsible after his experiment.
When my son was about 7, he decided to “fix” my front door for me. He got a screwdriver and removed the door jam piece and then put it back on. Unfortunately, it was even worse now, the door wouldn’t shut at all. I felt very frustrated and wanted to get mad at him for making it worse. It was near bedtime and I couldn’t go to sleep with the front door open! However, I could see how much he wanted to help and fix it. I took a deep breath and made myself choose patience. Together, we looked at why it wasn’t closing and I talked him through screwing it on so the door could close. I realized how much he like taking things apart, yet his ability to “fix” them just wasn’t quite developed yet. I have since made it a point to buy used stereos ($2 at a garage sale), computers, and other equipment that looks fun to take apart. He really likes to investigate how things work and he especially likes smashing, hammering, prying and otherwise ripping the stuff apart. His interest in how things work is redirected into items that don’t need to be operational for our house to run smoothly.
When you see your child being mischievous, take the time to look at the situation from his perspective. Discover something positive or good about the behavior. This is the way that delinquent teens are reached and guided to a new path in life. Someone takes the time to see the artistic talent behind the graffiti, or the mechanical talent behind the car thieving, or the quality of nurturing and capacity to help others behind the promiscuity. Focus on the positive intention, no matter how small and insignificant it seems, honor it, help it grow and see how you can be the most positive influence in your child’s developing greatness.


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Thursday, 13 February 2014

6 Ways to Make Discipline Fun




by Deborah Godfrey
So often parenting becomes a chore. In order to be effective, we must spend a great deal of time training our children, and especially following through with consequences to misbehavior. Sometimes it seems there just aren’t any more smiles or laughs from mom or dad. I think children can often be won over by our loving smile and warmth. Here are some ways to have fun when limits need to be set, or behavior needs to be redirected. Use these ideas when you don’t remember the last time you smiled at your child.
1) When standing in line somewhere, make up a game, give your child your undivided attention and play it with your child. The waiting is so boring for them; instead of making them stand quiet and leave us alone, take time to bond and have fun with your child.
2) Sing the limits in a singsong voice. Hum it, rap it, or sing it to your favorite oldie, something to take the bossy edge out of our voice.
3) Put the kids in charge of the time. State ahead of time what time everyone needs to leave the beach and ask for a volunteer to be timekeeper.
4) Make a family assembly line. One year when we went to Hawaii, I was one adult with three kids. We came up with a routine to transfer luggage. One would stay at the curb and three would take some luggage inside to the line. One would stay with that luggage while two went back for more luggage. Back and forth in teams we went, until all luggage was transferred. This worked the entire trip and was fun, entertaining and got the job finished.
5) Give your kids a budget when you can if you are shopping or on vacation, instead of them begging, and us giving in at random. Allow everyone to have a certain amount they are allowed to spend. Once in awhile, I surprise them with an outrageous budget, just for fun. Just think on a mundane trip to Target, offering them $20 to get what they want (no candy is my only limit)-they have so much fun and it decreases the begging and pleading on this trip and in the future.
6) Smile, laugh and play. We are so busy that it seems most of our time is taken with chores and “have to do’s”. Staying on task is certainly important, and so is having fun! Attempt to be in the moment and make the moment worthwhile for your child. Maybe it’s just cleaning, or cooking, or yard work. We can still choose to have some fun and make it interesting for our children. Notice the birds that fly by, smell the trunk of a tree (yes, some of them smell)! Take just a small amount of time to notice little details and point them out to your children with excitement and fun.


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When Spouses Disagree About Parenting Issues

When two people get married and decide to have children, they rarely talk about the specifics of how they plan to raise these children.  Most people have a “de facto” attitude that says, “My parents raised me x, y or z way and I turned out just fine and I’ll raise my kids that same way”.  While the wonderful person they married has the same idea and attitude, but that parent was raised with a, b and c parenting.  So the real problems begin when these two parents have a two-year old and their parenting styles begin to clash. When spouses disagree about parenting issues, what usually happens is that one parent tends to be more strict and the other parent tends to be more lenient. The strict parent gets angry when the lenient parent allows too much leeway.  The lenient parent gets upset when the strict parent is too restrictive.  So the strict parent gets stricter and the lenient parents gets more permissive until the parents are battling all the time over how to discipline.  The children have a field day of misbehavior in this dynamic, learning to play one parent against the other and running amuck. The relationship between the parents is more important, that is, how the two parents work together to raise the children, needs to be higher priority than the parenting skills of either parent.
While it would be great if parents could have conversations about the specific details of child-rearing, specifically how to handle discipline and behavior issues, most parents don’t have a context for this discussion until they are actually raising their own children.  One of the pieces of advice I would give couples contemplating children would be to have many, “What would we do in this situation?” discussions.  Observing other parents and their children and talking about how you would each prefer to handle the situation can give you a great deal of information about how your partner plans to parent your future children.  For those of us already married, we can use this idea to gain more insight about our partner. In a situation where discussing your child becomes a battle, try looking at another parents issue with a child and discuss together how that parent could do things differently and what each of you would do in the situation.  It is easier to know what someone else should do, so make sure to bring the discussion back to yourselves and see how you can apply that advice in the challenges you are facing with your children.  For example, I had been having a difficult time know where to set boundaries with my 17 year old daughter.  I wasn’t certain about how much involvement my husband, her step-dad, wanted or needed to have in the often heated discussions she and I had been having. A friend of ours was having similar, yet even more extreme issues with his son, and his wife, the step-mom, and my husband parent similarly. I asked my husband what he thought the step-mom’s role was, how much involvement she should have in the situation, and what she should do.  His answers were very interesting, not what I had expected, and guided my decision about how much I could and should involve my husband in the issues between my daughter and I.
Once a couple has identified that they are undermining each other’s parenting, and are willing to work on it, there one main action that can bring the two of you back on track.  If you have created the dynamic where one of you has become the strict one and the other the more lenient one, you may hate this advice, but it works.  In fact, it’s the only way it can work to bring the two of you back on the same parenting team. Here it is:  The strict parent gets to be the parenting leader.  The lenient parent has to follow the lead of the strict parent in discipline situations**.  You cannot do it in the reverse!  If you follow this advice, what will happen is that the two of you will begin to move closer together.  When the strict parent is supported, then he or she can stop over-compensating for the leniency of the other.  The strict parent becomes more flexible and generous in parenting.  When the lenient parent sees that the children are not suffering, and in fact are benefitting from the more firm rules and structure of the strict parent, the lenient parent can learn to be more firm in his or her parenting and come closer to being on the team with the strict parent.  Now the two of you both become  kind and firm parents, each support each other, feeling confident the other is disciplining the children with the best of intentions, actions and results. You can have beneficial discussions on what to do with the children, and each of you feel that you have someone on your side when the parenting gets tough. Doesn’t that sound much better?
The children of a couple with a loving supportive relationship, and that back each other up as parents, but have marginal parenting skills will be better off than a couple that is at war but knows all the latest and greatest parenting tools and skills.  That relationship is setting the example for how the entire family should be and as the role model and leader, it has more influence that just about any other dynamic in the family. So, if your relationship has taken a back seat to the kids, maybe it’s time to schedule that date night again, spend more time at the beginning and end of each day connecting as a couple, and if necessary, get into some couples counseling.  Those things can benefit your children much more than reading a parenting book or taking a parenting class.  And do read the book and take the class –after you have re-committed to keeping your relationship on track!




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